Notes!!!

Greetings one and all once again! Well, after finishing the outline last week, I decided it would be prudent of me to send it out to some friends of mine with a little more writing experience to get their notes. I must say, I don't always takes notes the best. I usually get down on myself if the notes are not 100% positive, but I was determined to try and learn as much as I could this time around. I got two very solid and helpful sets of notes from a couple of the people that I sent the outline out to.
The first person walked through what he thought worked and what he thought did not work (for the sake of space I will only discuss what he thought did NOT work). The primary theme of the film is communication problems and all the damage that is brought about when people lie, with hold information, or misunderstand each other. As such, the three main characters are doing these things all throughout the film until they realize the woes of their way at the end of the story. The first "note giver" informed me however, that although it is fine for the characters to lie about or withhold their motivation for doing things with EACH OTHER, the AUDIENCE should be clued in about their TRUE motivation. If this does not happen, the audience will either be confused, never connect or feel sympathy for the characters, or both. He gave me a couple practical examples of how I could help clear things up for the audience, which I put into practice. He also informed me of a couple places where character development felt a bit forced and need a little more motivation. He also pointed out a few areas that felt needlessly complicated. Although I argued that a couple of the areas needing to remain as they were, I did simplify (for the better) some of the spots.
I actually received an email from the second note giver, which I will post here.

"Hey Chris,

Thanks for letting me read your outline. You've obviously spent a great deal of time on it, and it's been really interesting to see how you're approaching this project.

My initial reactions:
- It's a very energetic, quirky, melodrama that hits the ground running and doesn't let up.
- It's also pretty difficult to follow/understand.

What I mean is:
- You've obviously given a lot of thought to the action sequences/car chases/robberies (as these are meticulously layed out, almost shot-by-shot).
- You seem to have spent less time on the characters, with swooping summaries like: "Although some of the actions our heroes have done, in the scenes above, are less than admirable, they should all be written, acted, and directed in a way to establish them as likable if not simply relatable characters."
- If you have any idea how this could be done, write it down. Actions define character, and your audience isn't going to like someone just because we want them to or because we tell an actor to act "likeable." If it's not on the page, it's not on the stage.
- As it is, I don't feel welcome to participate in the story because the characters won't open themselves up to me. I'm forced to be a spectator and make detached guesses as to why Oswald is so crazy, or how a couple of nice guys ended up in prison in the first place...

Which brings us to the question of tone:
- "able to poke fun at its own cheesiness." -- I'm fine with cheesy. Sometimes it's just unavoidable. Everything's coming together for our heroes, and we just want to relish in that over-the-top, exalted moment... But you've got to ask yourself "why?" -- What purpose does it serve to intentionally make my character's deepest desires ring inauthentic?
- If you've got a good reason, then, by all means, slather on the cheese. But if you're just doing it to avoid putting your neck out there -- dealing with real emotions -- then I'd advise against it.
- You're a very talented director - more than capable of expressing real sentiments - and I think you should. Find out who these characters really are, what they really want, and then let them try really hard to get it. If Saul steals for his "family," then make that a real, true, vulnerable dimension of his character. I assure you, your audience would much rather see that than a corny re-hash of tired, old cheese.

Conclusion:
It's a solid first draft, but it still needs work.
- Approach each character as you would if you were going to act the part -- write yourself an entire cast of great parts.
- Establish what they want, what stops them from getting it, and what they do to overcome.
- Start with broad strokes: what's the over-arching story, and where do each of your characters fit into it?
-You're off to a great start, and I look forward to seeing what comes of it."

I found all of these notes to be VERY helpful and have taken them into account.